2007, great. Now I can write the date wrong on everything for a good month and a half.

Just think if it were January 2006, what would you do different? I probably would care a lot less about things that consumed me over the year. All the thinking was a waste of time. Didn't change anything, especially when you never act upon your thoughts. I do that a lot – come up with great ideas or plans and then let them fizzle. Maybe that's what I was supposed to learn in 2006.

Doesn't New Years suck though? It's the one holiday that is recognized the world over, celebrated in just about every culture but isn't as commercially whored like the others. No cards, presents, obligations, or vanity. Seems a lot more "real". That's why it sucks. Valentines Day is full of expectations and let downs. You expect your special someone to be there with you and shower you with crap to "prove" their love, or for some it's a reminder that they are hopelessly alone. You know going into Valentines Day what to expect given your current relationship status, good or bad. New Years on the other hand is a true romantics night. People come together with friends (and strangers) with a optimism and hope for the future, "what could be". Spirits are high and everyone's heart is light. Forget all the crap that has happen over the year, you can accomplish anything this go-around.

What's more attractive then hope, confidence, and a new found love for life? Whether you think this year will be any different then last, the future is untold and those around you glowing with anticipation is enough to make even the most jaded of us smile. That's why is sucks. It stirs emotions I wasn't prepared to face. It creates thoughts of the future which I've been avoiding. I'd face my issues on my own accord, but this holiday suddenly forces me deal with them now.

For instance, another ball drop and me quietly sipping champagne. Why is that? I'm convinced it's purely my own fault. I mean, I'm not perfect but I feel I have redeeming qualities that the opposite sex would find attractive (or at least tolerable). Am I afraid? Am I not ready to share a symbolic moment like that with someone? Am I holding on to the past or am I blinded by my expectations of the future? Maybe I'm just thinking too much? Guess 2006 taught me nothing...

Saturday, April 20, 2024 – 40Y 11M 3D

If I remember correctly, this was my first “public” blog / article / journal entry ever. I think it was crossed posted on Facebook. Like, this was the first bit of inner monologue that was posted where people who I knew in everyday life would actually be able to find it and read it. Everything prior to this was kept localized or posted deep into the interwebs under a screen name.

It was well received. It even got a couple of comments by girls who I thought were rad at the time. The kiss of death right there — downhill ever since.

I think I’m going to say the same thing looking back at most of these – the neurodivergent writing was on the wall the whole time. Lonely, hopeless romantic, locked in my own head with thoughts that just wouldn’t stop. Relationships were just so hard...